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The Bayou Gardener Family

Tazzy Turfer

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Tazzy Turfer last won the day on June 30

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About Tazzy Turfer

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    Dirt Dabber

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    Geeveston ,Tasmania

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  1. I just found out that the coronavirus toilet paper mystery is: When one person sneezes : ten other people crap their pants Regards Pete
  2. Trying to take a bite outa that sucker would be bound to give ya lock jaw. Regards Pete
  3. I was just wondering if anyone knows when the Pandemic Social Distancing restrictions might be ending ,that way I might be able to convince Ellie to let me back in the house.! Regards Pete
  4. I have noticed that in these last few months it is stupidity that travels faster than any virus can on this planet. Regards Pete
  5. You know Guys , my wife Ellen recons going through this is like living between a rock & wanting to hit someone with it! Regards Pete
  6. Having some states lock down & others open is about as sensible as having a peeing section in a swimming pool !
  7. The corona virus lockdown, I'm Guessing has been a blessing with having been confined with my wife for all these months, It has given her the time to confront me with all the things I have done wrong for the last 30 years !!. May we all receive such a blessing ? Regards Pete
  8. TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out.... See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? 1. Banana 2. Dresser 3. Grammar 4. Potato 5. Revive 6. Uneven 7. Assess Give it another try.... Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so cool..... REMEMBER I ONLY SENT THIS TO MY SMART FRIENDS NOW DON'T LET ME DOWN No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters... Answer is below! Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. Then, you'll feel better too..... Regards Pete
  9. Its Tax Time down under At the end of the tax year, the ATO sent a tax inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the taxman was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said: "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll." "Oh," replied the taxman, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. However, he was now well mounted on his favourite hobby horse and ready to be critical. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the executive, who actually hadn't a clue, but rising to the challenge. "We save that too, and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster." "My, my, an answer for everything!" responded the auditor, who also fancied himself a bit of a wit. "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive. What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick." Regards Pete
  10. Subject: Boffin's: Beer....  "Sometimes, when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I did not drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, it is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.” Babe Ruth "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” Paul Horning "24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!” H. L. Mencken "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.” George Bernard Shaw "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Benjamin Franklin "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, But the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” Dave Barry “Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.” W. C. Fields “Remember ‘I’ before ‘E,’ except in Budweiser.” Professor Irwin Corey “To some it is a six-pack. To me, it is a Support Group. Salvation in a can.” Leo Durocher One night at Cheers , a TV Sitcom, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Normmy, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!”
  11. Down here we do a Bubble & Squeak with the left overs from the night before veggies . Just dice em up finely sometimes with Brussel sprouts or cabbage & ,diced bacon ,shallots ,or whatever you have, heat them up in a fry pan till the bacon is cooked & the veggies caramelise a bit around the edges & then add 4 eggs beaten with a dash of whole milk & a bit of curry powder if you like. This is either allowed to cook & turned over as an omelette or stirred through till the eggs are scrambled with the rest & served on homemade bread ,toasted & buttered. regards Pete & ellie
  12. An Irish daughter had not been home for over three years. Upon her return, her father yelled at her, “Where have Ye been all this time? “Why did Ye not write to us? Not even a line. Why didn’t Ye call? Can Ye not understand what Ye put yer old Mother thru? The girl, crying, replied, sniff, sniff....”Dad......I was too embarrassed, I became a prostitute” ”Ye what!!? Out of here, Ye shameless hussy! Sinner! You’r a disgrace to this Catholic family, so Ye are” ”OK, Daddy......as Ye wish....I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, title deed to an eight bedroom mansion plus a £5 million cheque. For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex and, for Ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club. She takes a breath and continues “ and an invitation to Ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean” ”Now what was it Ye said you had become?” Says Dad Girl, crying again, sniff, sniff...”A prostitute Daddy!” Sniff, sniff. ”Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death girl! I thought Ye said said a PROTESTANT. Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug” Regards Pete
  13. G'day Guys, this is our Tasmanian homemade bread an butter pickles that have proved to b popular at the markets. Ingredients: 5 Large Lebanese cucumbers thinly sliced, 2 small brown onions , halved and thinly sliced, 1 tsp salt, 1 1/2 cups of apple cider vinegar, 1 cup caster sugar, 2 tsp yellow mustard seeds, 2 tsp coriander seeds, large pinch turmeric. Instructions: 1. Place cucumber, onion and salt in a bowl, toss to combine, cover with plastic wrap and place in fridge overnight to soften. 2. Next morning place vinegar, sugar, mustard seeds, coriander seeds and turmeric in saucepan and cook and cook on medium until sugar dissolves. 3. Hand squeeze cucumber mix to extract most of the brine water and add to the pot and bring to simmer and simmer for 5 mins. 4. Transfer contents of pot in to sterilized glass jars, lid (heat lids on stove 5 mins in boiling water) & Invert for 2 minutes and set aside. 5. Allow a day to allow flavour to develop. Makes approximately 6x 250 ml jars. Goes great on cheese platters, sandwiches or in salads.....adjust ingredients according to how much you wish to make. Regards El & Pete
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